I work with couples who are feeling some kind of unhappiness or unfulfillment in their relationship, to various degrees. Some may be feeling stuck in unhealthy patterns, disconnected, hopeless, and close to ending the relationship. Some may just know they could be doing better, and want to have support with that. Where there is love and willingness there is power to come into deeper connection and overcome whatever obstacles may be showing up.

What specifically can therapy help with?

Communication breakdown

It can feel like your in constant dispute, not able to have a conversation without it becoming an argument.

There could be

• ongoing resentment from something in the past

• unkind communication

• distance and avoidance

• repeating patterns of disconnection

• strong feelings of being misunderstood

• challenge to rebuild trust after betrayal or dishonesty

• unhealthy power and control dynamics

• big life transitions that have put your relationship under strain.

Bringing your problems to a therapist brings a whole new dynamic. What may have been said a thousand times between you is now here in a space of 3 where hidden dynamics and power struggles aren’t present. Therapy to address the ongoing conflict patterns, the relational trauma behind the behaviours and to learn new skills to communicate healthily can make long lasting transformation possible and fast.

Emotional well-being and Trauma

Complex trauma, stress, anxiety, PTSD, can lead to overwhelm, reactivity, dis-regulation and unhealthy relating.

One or both of you may experience

• disconnection from your body, your feelings, what you want

• overthinking around a certain theme or experience you have had in the past

• what might feel like ‘out of control’ dis-regulation

• difficulty repairing after conflict

Therapy helps to build safety in the body to build a relationship with the emotional self. Deep rooted trauma can be reframed and its bearing softened through somatic visualisation. Empathy on both sides of a partnership deepens and each person can be heard and understood. Relational skills can be learnt and practised to shift life long patterns of emotional disconnection. Tools for regulation together and apart are offered and specifically tailored to your unique needs as a couple.

Intimacy challenges and sexual disconnection

Issues around sexual connection can bring avoidance, withdrawal, anxiety, resentment, shame, guilt and a lot of tension. Bringing these challenges to therapy can help bring resolve through understanding the roots of the problems and finding healthy ways to communicate truth and boundaries.

Its common for me to see couples

• with different ideas of what their ideal sex life would be

• having feelings of discontent sexually

• where there are struggles with sexual boundaries

• being affected by past sexual experiences

• have particular sexual dysfunction they want to work through.

Therapy provides a safe space to unpack our emotional landscape around sexual connection, this safety increases potential to deepen into vulnerability together, and therefore intimacy grows between you and your partner, and new skills for deeper connection come on board too.

There is so much nuance between couples, there may be many other themes and challenges that present themselves. If there is some resonance with what is written here, know you are not alone.

Change is possible.

I work in a way that is practical and realistic. Offering truthful reflections. I work from a place of being your equal, working alongside you. I follow a basic structure which is based in neurobiology but I am also relational with whoever i’m working with and interact intuitively. Sometimes strong reflections can be enough to have a big awakening, to understand where a certain behaviour may be coming from and how to change it. Other times we may move into deeper inner-child work. Sometimes other trauma modalities may be woven in or family constellations as a tool to gain insight. There is always some element of offering new skills to promote repair, intimacy and closeness. Ritual, and agreements for couples together also brings deeper focus, feeling and commitment. Feel free to bring any questions about how I work in an initial call.